PRINCE PUGGLY OF SPUD: Excerpt
Here’s a bit of chapter 2, in which the soon-to-be ex-King of Spud has an audience with the kingdom’s spiritual leader:
The Shaman of Spud was a mystic, a seer.
He lived in a hut, to the palace’s rear,
subsisting on nothing but yoghurt and rice,
which is why you went there, when you needed advice.
“Uh, Shaman?” said the king, stepping into the hut.
“I’ve got this bad feeling, deep down, in my gut.”
He explained how he felt: like the oddest man out.
“I don’t think I fit in here,” he said, with a pout.
“My problem is this: I can’t stand my clothes!
They certainly aren’t the ones I would have chose.
I want something regal, something worthy of praise!
Have you seen what they’re wearing in Spiff nowadays?
Fashion with elegance, glamour and glitz!
Fashion that matches—and actually fits!
That’s nothing like us. Our clothes are a sham.
This kingdom would fail any fashion exam!
I’m serious, Shaman. This kingdom would flunk.
Surely, you’ve noticed. We dress like we’re drunk.”
All the while, as King Walter continued to gripe,
the Shaman just sat there, and puffed on his pipe.
Then, when King Walter’s complaints were complete,
the Shaman of Spud floated up to his feet.
“Dude,” said the Shaman. “You gotta relax.
You’re the king of the Spuds—and those are the facts.
Do you know what it means to be ‘Spudly,’ my man?
It means you dress-up just as WILD as you can!
Why, look at me here. Check out these threads.
I look gooood—from my shoes to my velvety dreads!
These clothes are not ‘clothes.’ These clothes are an art!
We Spuds wear’em WILD. It’s what sets us apart.
Our Spudlian duds are the grooviest rags!
We got checkers and polka-dots, ziggles and zags!
To be ‘Spudly,’ my man? It means crazy-with-zest!
Dude! It’s how Spudlian people look best.”
Having finished his speech, full of bluster and hype,
the Shaman sank back to the floor, with his pipe.
To King Walter, however, the Shaman’s advice,
wasn’t very much help. It would never suffice,
to make him feel better, or any less tense.
To him, the whole speech hadn’t made any sense.
“Uh…thanks,” said the king, backing out of the hut.
In his mind, he was thinking: That Shaman’s a nut.